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If the best way to learn how to write a college admissions essay is to read one that worked, the second best way is to read one that didn’t. One of the most important pieces of college applications is the essay. Most colleges ask for essays to learn more about who you are beyond the facts and figures of the application form. Essays demonstrate your writing skills, critical thinking, and personal influences. The following essay was written by Kevin and illustrates what you should avoid when writing your own piece. After the essay, we discuss why it was such a failure. Use this opportunity to learn from Kevin’s mistakes and let his misfortune help you create a winning essay. My Achievements By: Kevin There are many things that I have done that I am proud of. Throughout high school I have done well academically and socially. I think that my achievements portend what I will accomplish in college. Please allow me to describe some of my successes. First, when it comes to academics, I have excelled. Throughout high school, I have maintained a 4.0 grade point average while taking challenging classes such as Advanced Placement biology and Advanced Placement English. I also studied Latin for two years and math for all four years. My teachers have always said that I am an excellent student, and I will work hard to get good grades in college, too. I also scored 1450 on the SAT. I have participated in a number of enjoyable activities in high school. I played the clarinet in the school band for three years. I volunteered at the local hospital for one summer. I also was a member of the Tennis Club and the tennis team for two years. In college, I plan to join many clubs and organizations as well. I will probably join the band and would like to play on the tennis team. In high school I have also won numerous awards. For example, I won first place in the science fair last year. I won an Outstanding Writing Award from my ninth grade English teacher. I also earned a letter by being on the tennis team. During the past two years I have also worked part-time at a clothing store in the shopping mall. This experience has taught me much about what it is like to work hard and long hours. While I certainly do not want to make this a career, I am glad to have had the experience. Last, I have a very nice personality. Many people say I am thoughtful and kind. I enjoy being nice to others, especially those who are less fortunate than I am. I think I would be a great addition to your college. I have achieved a lot, and I plan to achieve a lot more in the future. Comments On “My Achievements” Instead of writing an essay, Kevin writes an expanded resume. Although he is rightfully proud of his accomplishments, his essay tells us little more about his personality than what we already know from his application. Kevin also seems to be concerned with bragging about his accomplishments, about making sure that the admissions officers will not overlook all the wonderful things that he has done. It’s too bad, however, that this is not what the admissions officers want to see in the essay. Never offer a laundry list of your achievements, no matter how incredible they may be. Also, don’t write about information that is found elsewhere in your application, unless you plan to elaborate on an interesting aspect of it. Finally, notice that Kevin’s essay looks like it could have been written in an hour. There is no originality or even attempt to correct obvious mistakes. If you would like to see more successful and unsuccessful essays, our book Get Into Any College: Secrets Of Harvard Students has an entire chapter with 23 actual college admissions essays.
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